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It's been a month since my mom died. I am still trying to get "Thank You" notes out. I can usually whip them out within a week, but writing these are draining. "Thank you for ...... Mom would have been so honored..... " It's hard writing to people and speaking "for" Mom at the same time.
It's been a month, and I still pick up my phone to call her on my way home from work. Her phone hasn't been cut off, so I call anyway just to hear her voicemail message. I also still dream about her like she's still here.
It's been a month, and I am still wearing waterproof mascara, because I never know when I'll burst into tears. Driving home from work is typically when you can find me crying. At our doctor's appointment, when we were watching the sonogram, all I could think was "I wish my mom could see this!"
It's been a month, and every Tuesday, I think "Mom died [x] weeks ago." When will I stop counting?
It's been a month, and we still haven't completely cleaned out Mom's room. I liken it to "Empty Nest" syndrome---you know, like when your kids go off to college? We're keeping it set up just in case she decides to come home. I walk past the room and feel empty.
It's been a month, and people stil ask me how I am. WTF?! How do I respond to that? How do I put into words how I am? I'm devestated. But, you can't say that to people, because it's awkward for them. So, I just smile and say "I'm doing great."
It's been a month............
