I want to tell you about March 1, the day of my mom's Memorial Service.
I woke up that morning around 7:30 am and though "What do people do on days like this?" I mean, "what's appropriate?" Honey's funeral wasn't going to start until 2 pm, so I had a lot of time to kill.
I went to a morning yoga class. I can't remember if I cried during that class, but I remember taking a pile of tissue in with me and placing my mat at the far end of the room--just in case.
After the class, I went home, and it was oddly empty. My husband and brother were running errands. It was a beautiful morning - sunny and just the right temperature to sit outside - so I did. I threw the ball with my dogs while listening to Praise & Worship music on Pandora. At one point, some neighbors walked by and started talking with me, and even asked what I had planned for the day. How do you tell someone that "in a couple of hours, we are celebrating my mom's life"?
All too quickly, the house was busy again with people, and I needed to get ready to go. I walked out of my bedroom, ready to head to the church, and saw my brother standing in the kitchen looking out into the backyard - reflectively. I don't think I'll ever forget how he looked. "I must not cry, I must keep it together" became my mantra.
Flash-forward to 2 pm. Pastor Joe left my siblings and our spouses in his office as he headed down to the sanctuary to being my mom's Memorial Service. We didn't want to be in the sanctuary prior to the service beginning- you know, to avoid people, really. We were going to have Praise & Worship first, so we decided to sneak in during the first song. It was Phil Wickham's "This is Amazing Grace". Then we sang "Shout Unto God" and ended with "I am all He says I am". During this time, I let myself cry as I sang with all my heart.
During the Eulogies, I was able to stand up and speak about my mom. I didn't cry, so I was very proud of myself.
Oh - did I mention that my mom planned her own memorial service - down to every detail (including the songs we sang)? Yes, she did. She even recorded a video a week before she passed away that she wanted played during the service. I'm pretty sure the whole church cried as it played. After the video was show, there was an alter call, and 13 people were saved.
I want to share the video with you, so you can see how faithful my mom was, even in her final days.
My mom wanted to be "famous for God" and she wanted to share God's love with as many people as she could, so I find it fitting that even after her passing, she was leading people to Christ. What an incredible legacy she left for me and my siblings.
After the service and after going to dinner with my in-laws, I went to bed earlier than usual. I turned on the fan I keep next to my bed, turned out the lights, and finally allowed myself to cry my eyes out as I drifted to sleep.